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 In the Orlando area you can also get the book at
in the Winter Park Village in Winter Park, Florida, Also available at Malaprop's Bookstore & Cafe in Asheville, North Carolina. 
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Free Article8 Things Parents Need to Know When Their Child Comes Out1. Along with many other feelings you may be experiencing, there is usually a huge loss of expectations. Like many parents, you may feel the dreams you had for your child will never materialize. That may be true, but given time, new ones will take their place. Give yourself permission to acknowledge your feelings and to grieve for the loss of your expectations.2. Read a lot. To help you understand the process that many parents go through read, The Rest of the Way: A Coming Out Story for Parents and Gay Children. If you are having trouble resolving religious issues, read Mel White’s book, Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America, The Good Book, by Peter Gomes, or one of Rev John Shelby Spong’s books, especially Living in Sin?: A Bishop Rethinks Human Sexuality and Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism: A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning of Scripture. To answer questions you may have about homosexuality, read Is it a Choice, by Eric Marcus. These books will help you understand that:● Your son or daughter did not choose to be gay. ● It is not your fault that your child is gay. ● There’s nothing wrong with your child. But there is something wrong with our homophobic society.3. You may be having difficulty accepting your child’s sexual orientation, that’s normal, but don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Remember you are still family and that will never change. Don’t let your child’s coming out come between you. Let the love you have for him or her be a bridge to a stronger, more loving relationship.4. If your child wants you to “get over it” and be more accepting, let him or her know that the same way it took time for them to become comfortable with being gay, now you need time to work through your issues as well. This isn’t easy for you. Ask for their patience.5. There’s a saying that when kids come out of the closet their parents go into the closet. If you are you stuck in the closet find a support group or find a good therapist. Don’t isolate yourself. Go to a PFLAG meeting (Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). The parents at PFLAG know what you’re going through. They went through it too. They will answer many of your questions and concerns in a nonjudgmental and confidential atmosphere. Go to:www.pflag.org to find a chapter near you.6. Don’t let your child being gay be the unspoken elephant in the room. Your child wants you to be part of his or her life. Don’t shut the door to real communication. Here’s a favorite Zen Story:There was a learned professor of oriental studies who visited a very famous Zen master in the Orient. The master received the professor in his private room. As soon as the professor seated himself, he talked on and on about Zen philosophy, while the master said nothing. The professor continued talking until finally, the master said, “let us have tea,” and he began pouring tea into his guest’s cup. The professor, so busy talking, hardly noticed. But suddenly the professor jumped to his feet when he realized that the Zen master was still pouring tea, even though the cup had long since overflowed, and the tea was spilling out onto the tatami mat in front of them. And still the master continued pouring. “Stop, stop, what are you doing?” cried the professor. “Can’t you see the cup is already filled to the top and the tea is spilling all over the tatami mat?” The master looked up, “Just as this cup cannot hold anymore tea when it is already filled,” he said, “how can I teach you anything when your mind is already filled, much like this teacup?”Try listening to your child with the ears of your heart, without any preconceived ideas.7. Once your child comes out to himself or herself, they will have to come to grips with how to live an authentic life in our homophobic society. This is the time your child really needs your support and your love. One abandoned young man once told my husband and me, “How is it that yesterday I was their golden boy, but when my parents found out I was gay, they threw me out of the house.”8. Parents go through a coming out process too. Be patient with yourself. This isn’t an easy journey. Be open to learning. The world we live in is a homophobic one, because of that your understanding of homosexuality may be tinged with half-truths and misconceptions. Keep an open mind and an empty cup.Enid Jackowitz, MA, LMHC Center for Counseling & Consulting Casselberry, FL 32707 www.restoftheway.com |
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